Perspectives from a non-vegan spouse

Assembled ingredients for pistachio pesto

I’ve always been fairly cautious about what I consume. Sure I love decadence like the buttery crumbliness of pineapple tarts, various sticky sweetness of nonya kuehs, artery-clogging inducing coconut curries like Laksa, -- and the list could go on-- but that nagging guilt never fails to creep in even as I shovel in those tempting delights hand over fist. But you'll never catch me suggesting starting a diet.

In the food processor

So, when my hubs broke the news to me one fine day in early 2007 that he’d decided not to consume meat nor meat products  --like forever and for real -- I wasn’t fazed. Afterall, I could do with some sort of no-indulgence diet, meat or without. But unlike my hubs, my will to cut it out completely, lacked steel.

Pistachio pesto

I was, however, a little surprised that my dear hubs -- who has a reputed propensity towards cheeses and copious amount of baked lamb and beef --had the courage to turn vegan. Wouldn't vegetarianism have been a little easier to start off with? Afterall, there are tons of self-proclaimed vegetarians who consume dairy, eggs and even some who have placed fish and shellfish under a whole new vegetable group, and are still trimmer and healthier because of it.

 Sliced zucchini

I knew that his litany of reasons for doing so was not only for a  healthier lifestyle but also an ideological one. One that I regarded as a commendable "no" to an alarming increase in dodgy meat quality driven by our unwitting demand for industrialized animals. Plus, it was nice to see his soft, non-pregnant belly --that had ballooned over the years --shrink.

Tossed zucchini in pesto sauce

But the nobleness of his new diet started to wear thin as each meal became a challenge to think up. So-called vegetarian dishes in my repertoire still carried traces of meat. No cheese, milk, butter nor even honey? Take out the oyster sauce in my broccoli and kai lan; and the fish sauce out of my spicy Thai salad? What next? Separate the alphabets from the alphabet soup??

Add zesty mushrooms

I could have served up 2 carrot sticks, some cucumber slices and a slice of bread and called it a meal. But as it turned out, even some breads do contain milk solids and/or honey.

Pistachio pesto 'pasta' with zesty crimini mushrooms -- His meal

I started out trying to replicate non-vegan foods by substituting ingredients. Sometimes it worked but there were more disasters than not. Then an epiphany hit me one day, I realized that I would never be able to replicate flavours or textures like cheese (the soy ones are seriously strange if not, just tasteless goo) or how the way the warm, savoury juice from a meatball pervades our tastebuds. When I started appreciating vegetables for their subtle sweetness without feeling the urge to enhance that with cheese or meat, meal preparations started becoming easier. As my hubs so eloquently said, “You have to like vegetables if you are vegetarian or vegan. Otherwise, you are screwed.”

Pan-seared snapper with zesty spices -- the kids' and my meal

Certain concerned family members and friends have said in polite disgust that I was being a total pushover and that the hubs should cook his own meals considering the added stress and effort I was being put through. Not wanting to sound like some battered wife, the thought of separate cooking makes me uncomfortable. I do love preparing meals and I feel weirdly possessive over my kitchen. And as appreciative I am of his offers to cook, I always heave a sigh of relief when it is back in my rein.

The non-vegan meal -- not His.

Yes, my dear hubs is still vegan today and yes, he does still consume chocolate and salt and vinegar chips/crisps (they contain milk solids) even if those wouldn't qualify as vegan-proper. And I'm still a meat-eater even if I try to do my enlightened bit by buying local and organic produce. I haven't turned him loose in the kitchen to prepare his own meals whilst taking care of just mine and the kids. Quite the opposite. I continue to prepare all the meals. And, we still eat as a family.


Besides, at the end of the day, a shared meal with loved ones is possibly a tad more important than the meal preparation itself. Maybe that or perhaps I'm merely chalking up heavenly points that will earn me the suffering-wife's equivalent of 7 young virgins as promised by Mohammed to martyrs!

His empty plate. Coincidentally, it looked just like mine.