The hole in the dough

It’s Monday, and if you are at work, maybe you've had your usual cuppa coffee along with a pastry, a bagel or a donut. Was it a Krispy Kreme?

Chemical addiction

If you are an American or live in America, you’ll know Krispy Kreme – famously known to melt in your mouth like warm butter and leave a dizzying sweetness for an instant and approved caffeine-free rush. I've once waited for them to roll out fresh from the oven signaled by the urgent flashing of the red neon lights “HOT” outside the bakery. I've even dared to race the Houston cop car that did a blatantly illegal U-turn, in bright daylight no less, and who'd even driven against traffic to get to that newly launched Krispy Kreme in my neighbourhood. I hadn’t tried one at the time, but had only heard the tantalizing cantor of praises at my office.

So, I did the most logical thing: I followed that cop car, but in a law abiding way that took me to the next set of lights and to a proper left turn lane. It cost me all of a few minutes of delay yet the donuts were still glowing warm. It was such an emotional experience that these sugary gems were finally in my arms that I splurged and bought a box of a dozen to share my virgin experience with the folks at the office. After all, if that cop proved that the lure of those donuts could make him/her treat the law with such disdain so could I throw all sensibilities out of the window and feel generous about sharing my loot.

That was in Houston, and I think I had Krispy Kreme no more than 5 more times before leaving for upstate New York. It was a hasty love-affair. Then, the delightful red neon lights that I’d come to love and expect -- vanished.

But I found them again at Walmart in Orlando on our Disney trip. They weren’t warm, and they lacked their familiar fried dough aroma being already packaged but hey, I wasn’t fussy so I bought a box anyway for old times’ sake. The kids and I (even the vegan hubs) indulged and then curiosity made me turn the package over to read what went into making these donuts so delightful.

Ingredients only pointy-eared trekkie Mr. Spock would understand

Did you read all that? Is that even in English? Maybe I should have paid more attention during chemistry classes. If I’d known that these complicated chemical compounds were going to be so tasty, I wouldn’t have bothered treating them so gingerly over the bunsen burner at school; I would have tasted every single blue, green and noxious liquid. Sure, I got my 4% iron intake by downing these donuts when usually I had to eat tons more spinach and fart beans to get my iron count. Clearly, this was way more fun! But what on earth is ethoxylated mono and di-‘what-the-hell-is-that’-rides along with ‘artificial flavour’ being listed in the glace? Are they telling me that the buttery sweetness that I’d come to associate with a Krispy Kreme was actually a figment of my imagination? Holy crap! Is this even considered food? Is this even legal in the US? Did that cop know this when he/she made that right-about turn to the nearest Krispy Kreme? Was s/he heroically arresting the people at the bakery for injecting food with toxic waste? Because s/he should have, and then I would really have applauded their misguided u-turn attempt.

This doughnut -- or whatever it is pretending to be -- is so wrong: It should be illegal. So, to it I said, “I love you no more.”