Bitten but not wounded

Autumn 2010: Sophia & Ritesh find fun in the mundane

I received a lovely letter the other day from a dear friend I’d known when I lived in Taiwan. I'd been thinking about her since and then it hit me that I’ve been forging fewer and fewer friendships over the last few years. There have been too many friends I've met and liked but then, fate would play a nasty trick and whisk them or me to faraway lands resulting in a premature ending to the friendship.

Summer 2010: Monique & Hannah play dress-up.

We would hug, promise emails, greeting cards, and the occasional call but in reality, our lives were far too busy to cope with friendships much less in far away places. We knew that from the second we broke our parting hug was when the friendship ties began withering.

Autumn 2008: Aidan with Tiger; best buddies in Japan.

2011 didn’t start off on a terrific note. A really good friend that I’d known from day 1 of my life in upstate NY was relocating to another state even if only a 5-hr drive away. Still, it meant the screeching halt to knowing she was only a phone call away, and a death to the many wonderful joint meals we’d shared with her and her family “R-S”. I’d always taken her for granted because she lived in the vicinity; she stayed while we uprooted twice to Taiwan and Japan, and every time we returned, it was as if we had never left. She was always there for me; the same open-hearted, out-spoken, vibrant personality that was refreshing particularly in “Pleasantville” upstate New York.

Summer 2009: Nevin & Sean, the odd sized pair in Kobe, Japan

I’m supposed to take heart if I heed a certain wise saying that “Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.” (Alfred Lord Tennyson, 1850)

Summer 2009: Saying goodbye to An Hong in Kobe Japan.

But after too many reluctant goodbyes to treasured friends, my heart is nearly as hardened as Miss Haversham’s and I’m convinced that Lord Tennyson hadn’t said as many goodbyes in his lifetime. Those poets probably took too many long meaningful walks in the English woods to ponder the frivolity of friendships.

Needless to say, I’ve become a little wary of new friendships. I should have a tattoo on my forehead that reads, “Don’t be my friend because I’d hate to lose you one day.”

Autumn 2010: Team Sean & Vasu

I’ve met a few interesting people since, particularly the one who stands out because her parenting methods are as unorthodox as they are amusing. I sniff a potential but I know the minute I claim her as a keeper, she’ll be relocated or we could be shipped to Timbuktu. Fate is just lurking in the shadows to pounce another doozy on me.

Summer 2010: Sophia & Winston having a play

Last night, we joined another family for a meal at our (only decent) grocery shop. Their 4 kids and ours watched “Shrek” on a projector screen leaving the adults to attempt the basic awkward steps of “getting-to-know-each-other” over cafeteria-styled meals. The kids hit off like a house on fire, mostly because 3 of them schooled with our 3 kids, and they seemed to have similar personalities. The couple was lovely even if a little reserved, but that was to be expected. A sneaking thought made me wonder if they would or could ever fill the void that the “R-S” family had left gaping.

Autumn 2008: Aisa & Monique trick-or-treating in Kobe, Japan

Then I caught myself; squashed that thought and simply enjoyed the moment we had with them.

I'm giving Lord Tennyson's words another chance.

Autumn 2010: Friends I'm missing.